SUMMARIZING MY 2008 IN ONE WORD: DISCRIMINATION! (PART 3 OF 4)

Yes, I know that because I am a white male Christian that I should only be the perpetrator of discrimination and never the victim. However, I managed to get the short end of the stick four times this year. These have resulted in me having to endure serious finical hardship.

The third occurrence was one that you may think does not qualify as discrimination, but ideological difference of opinion. However, if discrimination is grounded in ignorance and bigotry then this one is defiantly in the neighborhood. I was in a training class in late July in order to work for a non-profit organization that provides need services to children. For this reason, I am not going to reveal its name and will limit the details about their mission as much as possible.

Many of the services provide by this organization are in home and are received by children various ethnicities, nationalities, religions, etc. So one of the things that had to be discussed was cultural sensitivity. Unfortunately, the instructor could not discuss this because she managed to offend an unknown group of students the last time she had taught that unit. She therefore had to go and take a special course herself before she could resume teaching it. They would go ahead and have us complete the rest of the training and call us back in once she had been recertified to teach it again.

A couple of students asked if she could recommend were we might be able to go to take a course in the mean time. She, due to stupid legal concerns, was forbidden by her supervisor to do so. Therefore, I volunteer the idea that church that do cross-cultural ministries often time have class to teach their workers about such matters. That is when the problems started. She said, speaking as someone who obviously has never been apart of a church’s cross-cultural ministry, said that might not be a good idea. That some church might not want outsiders coming into their class.

I was so shocked at the ignorance of her statement that I was speechless. Any church who starts a cross-cultural ministry does so because they want outsiders to come. It is the vary mission that the church was put on the Earth to fulfill. I could see how a group of students could get offended by someone like her. She was offending me by speaking on behalf of a group that she obviously has never been a part of, but I was!

Never-the-less, I stood down out of respect for her position as the teacher. I hoped to come back early from lunch and discuss the matter in private. Although she could not teach the unit, she was did take time to emphasize the point that cultural sensitivity was important. In the process, it became vary clear that she had issues with my entire ideology that she never gave me the opportunity to fully articulate.

Lunch finally came and I left and came back early to make sure that I had enough time talk to her in privet. I never got the opportunity. As soon as I got back, she told me that her supervisor had to talk to me. Her supervisor told me that the organization did not have an opening for me at that time and that I would not be able to complete the class. She walked me back to the class and observed me from the doorway as a gathered my personal items.

There are two different types of discrimination at work here. The first is the discrimination that the “politically correct” commit against those who are not paranoid about stepping on other peoples toes. This is not to say that I am callous about other people’s feeling. I acknowledge that the “politically correct” have done a lot of good by confronting negative pre-conceived notions about those who we do not really know. Especially when it comes to those with disabilities.

I am however; a gratefully recovering co-dependant that “political correctness” often times goes too far and becomes what I call “political co-dependency”. One of the biggest characteristics about us co-dependences is that we do not believe that it is OK to be ourselves. We feel the need to have to conform to what other want us to be in spite of the fact that those who expect such have totally different expectations. What we co-dependents have to learn is that if we just develop our charator so that it is consistant with the teachings of the Bible, we will win over the vast majority of people whom we cross paths with. The one who do not want to get along with us, do not want to get along with anybody else. That is their fault, not ours!

Another major characteristic of co-dependency is the “egg shell” mentality. A dysfunctional family that has an addict will often times “walk on egg shells” in order to keep the peace. It will also keep the addict an addict and therefore the family unit will remain dysfunctional. The first step in breaking the chains of addiction and dysfunction is for someone to speak out against it. “Political correctness” becomes “political co-dependency” when those who try to speak out against the dysfunction are villainized.

No culture is divinely inspired. Every culture that I have ever encountered has various degrees of domestic violence, male chauvinism and ethnic malice. This is not to say that you will find it in every household. Never-the-less, most societies recognize that the husband-father is considered to have the right of absolute rule over their household. If he is of noble and righteous character, then everything is great. If he is an abusive tyrant, then the entire community is expected to stand aside and allow him to terrorize the members of his household.

The majority of the few times that I have ever had inter cultural conflict is when I refused to stand aside. Most notably when I demanded that husband provide proof of his allegations of his wife’s adultery. In his culture, all wives accused of adultery are treated as guilty, period. I was told that I was imposing my American ways on them. They were dumb found when I explain to these “Christians” that my stance was grounded in Biblical instruction rather then American culture. (Deuteronomy 19:15, “One witness shall not rise against a man concerning any iniquity or any sin that he commits; by the mouth of two or three witnesses the matter shall be established.”)

The only other times that I have had cultural conflict is when children abandoned the cultural principals that they need. They instead try to fit in with their American peers by embracing the worst aspects of American culture. Most notably, contempt towards their parents and all other authority. The consequences are that they wind up throwing away their opportunity to go to collage and thus condemn themselves to lives of poverty. I know to young girls who dropped out of high school because they got pregnant. I know another one that is following their same path. Then there is the 14 year who has been secretly meeting guys on My Space.

I hope that you can see that I do not have arbitrary cross-cultural conflicts. I will only take a stand when it matters. I will speak out against any practice, including American ones, which are self-destructive and/or oppressive. I will defend any practice, including foreign ones, which will help individuals make the most out of their time here on Earth. Especially Biblical ones!

The second form of discrimination in this case is one committed by a scholarly intellect who relies on knowledge acquired from special training classes. This teacher showed no respect for someone like me who has not attended such class, but relies on knowledge acquired through my personal experience in cross-cultural church ministry. With all of her book knowledge, she still managed to lose her certification to teach cultural awareness by her previously offending an unknown group.

This is not to say that such classes are not beneficial and that she had no actual cross-cultural experience. After all, we live in Phoenix were you would have to lock yourself in a closet in order to avoid cross-cultural contact. However, it was clear to me that as soon as this teacher stepped out of those classes she stopped being a student, and started being an arrogant know-it-all. This teacher apparently is not aware that one of the issues that non-Americans have with Americans is that we come off as being arrogant know-it-alls. Maybe then she will stop offender her students.

My approach, to go to them as a humble student wanting them teach me their culture themselves, has always been well received. This approach has served me well for the past five years at the Arabic church that I am not only a member of, but also take a leading role helping it function. It also served me well in the past nine years while working with refugees from every country destroyed by “civil war” since I was born. Many of these were Muslims that were at first harassed by their hard line conservative neighbors for befriending me. In time, most of those neighbors befriended me as well.

Finally, I want to give you my core cross-cultural insight: View everybody first and foremost as human beings who…

1. …are capable of free choice. Just because their culture tries to teach them certain ways of doing things does not mean that they want obey. As I stated earlier, many of these cultural practices are oppressive and therefore many of those who are suppose to submit to them want to reject them. If we assume that we have to cooperate with such practices, are we not imposing this oppression on them? Should we expect women have to ride in the back seat just because there culture says that they have to. Do you have any idea how many women come to this country just so they can be treated as equals? How dare anyone deny them that right! Never-the-less, many do want to submit to such practices and so we have to except that we cannot defend those who do not want to be defended.

B. …have the same basic desires to live peaceful and prosperous lives. I know that many go astray by suppressing those desires and instead follow the evil in their hearts. However, this same fact is true about us Americans and Christians. For all the good that many of us do, there are those Americans and Christians who’s hearts are as hate filled as any member of al’ Qaeda. Should we Americans and Christians therefore be judged by the Muslims as harshly as many of us judge them?

C. …are so loved by God that he sent his only begotten son to die for them. Non-Christians may choose to reject this principle, but true Christians are not given an option.

Summarizing My 2008 in One Word: Discrimination! (Part 2 of 4)

Yes, I know that because I am a white male Christian that I should only be the perpetrator of discrimination and never the victim. However, I managed to get the short end of the stick four times this year. These have resulted in me having to endure serious finical hardship.

The second occurrence of discrimination is one that I can never prove, but I have been a security officer long enough to know what standard operating procedures are. Therefore, when they are set aside, I start wondering why. The nature of what I believe to discrimination was ethnic and religious in nature. The funniest thing about this is that I am not of the targeted ethnicity and I reject the targeted religion.

From March – June, I was assigned to the Ulta Cosmetics warehouse here in Phoenix while working for Allegiance Security. My duties were centered around loss prevention, which required me to be by the employee entrance so I could inspect all containers for client merchandise. The client allowed me to bring my laptop to work during slow periods as long as it did not distract me when the employees did come through.

One night in June, I was working on the Microsoft Power Point slide presentation to be used prior to the start of my Arabic church’s Sunday morning service. My pastor had e-mailed me a copy of the bulletin that he does on Microsoft Word and I was copy and pasting the various sections. Because my church ministers to the Arab community, the texts were both in English and Arabic. On the night in question, I was working on the following slide:

كيف أصبح عضوا في هذه الكنيسة

HOW TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH

يجب أن أقابل الرب وما فعله من أجلي على الصليب
YOU MUST HAVE A MEETING WITH THE LORD AND SEE WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR YOU

يجب أن أعترف في حاجتي الى خلاصه العجيب وأختبر ذاك الخلاص
YOU MUST CONFESS YOUR NEED FOR HIS WONDERFUL SALVATION AND EXPERIENCE IT

يجب أن أعلن رغبتي للإنضمام إلى الكنيسة
YOU MUST DECLARE YOUR DESIRE TO JOIN HIS CHURCH

تجب أن أتبع وصية المسيح بالمعمودية بالتغطيس

YOU MUST FOLLOW IN BAPTISM THROUGH IMMERSION AS HE COMMANDED

While I was working on this slide, a client employee (whom I had a good rapport with at the time) briefly glanced over my shoulder. Apparently, he only noticed the Arabic script as he went out the door. He asked me if I was reading “al-Qaeda c***” and left without giving me a chance to respond. The client, whom had made no complaints about me prior to this, requested that I be removed from site three days later.

Because we security officer are “contracted employee,” we are not entitled to any right of due process from the client. Technically speaking, the client can have us removed for site just because they feel like it. Our employers themselves are required to give us due process before imposing disciplinary action, but the client does not. A run of the mill transferring of a guard to another site is not considered a disciplinary action in and of its self because their employment is not interrupted.

Security industry standard operating procedure for a guard being removed from site at the client’s request is to call him or her into the office and tell them why. When I went in, that told me not to worry about it. They did not believe what the client said and all of my fellow guards speak highly of me. What? Why did my supervisors go to my fellow guards in order to get their opinion of me? Why will they not tell me what the clients said about me? I have been in the security industry for most of the past seven years and this is not consistent with the industries professional standards.

The following week, my supervisor came to check on me at the site were they had transferred me. As we talk, I found opportunity to talk to him about my involvement with my church. It is just something that Christians like me naturally do. He claimed to be a Christian as well, but I did not sense that he was asking more about my church out of curiosity. I felt like he was being an inquisitor right from the beginning when he said, “So your a Christian.”

I entertained the possibility that they could be another explanation as to why I was removed from site up until this conversation. If I am right, Ulta Cosmetics put Allegiance Security in a bind. This act of discrimination, if I could prove it, could have resulted in a lawsuit against both of them. However, you are supposed to give the client what they want in order to keep the contract. On this occasion, Allegiance Security got to have their cake and eat it too.

Summarizing My 2008 in One Word: Discrimination! (Part 1 of 4)

Yes, I know that because I am a white male Christian that I should only be the perpetrator of discrimination and never the victim. However, I managed to get the short end of the stick four times this year. These have resulted in me having to endure serious finical hardship.

The first occurrence happened in February while I was with my first employer of the year, ResCare Homecare. I was hired to provide services to my assigned clients who mostly required respite and personal care. The discriminatory act in this instance was committed by the next-door neighbor of a 4-year-old autistic boy who I was to provide respite and habitation. Her complaint of me “touching him inappropriately” centered around my use of the intervention technique call, “the bear hug.” There is no doubt in my mind that she would have never made such an accusation against a woman using this technique. After all, I am a man and some view all men as being abusers of women and children.

Lisa Ratan taught “The bear hug” technique to me when I worked in the Early Childhood Department of Word of Grace Church in Mesa, AZ. (March 1993 - August 1995) Ms. Ratan was a member of the ASU faculty were she taught a course on Early Childhood. She was a staunch advocate of children’s rights and had classroom standards that were far superior to those of the State of Arizona. Example: the State allowed for a 15/1 student/teacher ratio in daycare kindergarten classrooms and did not require a second teacher unless the attendance reached 16 or more. Ms. Ratan’s ratio was 12/1 and that there was always to be at least two teachers no matter how small your attendance.

Ms. Ratan taught “the bear hug” as a non-abusive “intervention technique.” It was used a child needed to be restrained from doing something that could injure themselves or others. The hug it self, couple with speaking to the child in a calm-firm voice, was designed to stop the behavior in a way that also show affection. In this manner, the behavior is ended while your rapport with the child is strengthened. As I used this technique, I noticed that many of the children that I used it on regularly actually enjoyed being held. It therefore dawned on me to try to use it as a “preemptive” technique. I would give these children the affection they craved before they acted up and therefore would not have to act inappropriately in order to receive it, and it worked!

The boy that I worked with in February was the first autistic child that I have ever tried using it with. It was all that I knew to do with a child who’s out of control behavior was chasing away caregivers left and right. It is hard for me to say whether or not it would have been effective with him because the allegation was made less then a week and a half after I started working with him. There was no question that he and I were bonding; the question was whether or not he would start minding. His autism seemed to make him “randomly tactile defensive” meaning that what he like one day, including “the bear hug,” he did not like the next. I defiantly need a more comprehensive strategy for working with him that may or may not have included a limited use of “the bear hug,” but I was never given the opportunity to ask.

I was placed on immediate administrative leave without pay because of this allegation. After about six weeks, ResCare finally asked me to come in and give my side of the story. Why so long? They claimed there were a spike in various allegations made against various caregivers and they handled them in the order of gravity. Those who were accused of worst acts were moved ahead of mine. They were also required by law to report allegations of this nature to both the police and Child Protective Services, neither of which ever contacted me.

ResCare finally reached their decision in August after about five months of them sometime investigating the allegation and sometimes putting me on the back burner. They offered me my job back; but would only allow me to work with adults. What they did not say is that I had been exonerated of this allegation. If I truly were, they would not have placed this restriction upon me. They found no reason to believe that I was guilty and that is all they cared about. Some of my clients that I worked with before being placed on administrative leave were adults and I had no objections to resume working with them. The three objections that I do have are: first, that such a restriction says that they believe that I might be guilty and my reputation is still in question. Second, the restriction is a condemnation of a technique taught to me be a mentor that I highly respect and that I have used effectively ever since. Finally, my right to an expedient due process was violated.

I have use Ms. Ratan’s “bear hug” technique in a number of volunteer Church setting and have been praised for my ability to handle children. I have also tried to use this same technique in professional settings, such as daycare, respite care, etc and have been run out every time. Why the difference? The mission of the Churches is, in part, to minister to the needs of those who come to them. When they see someone is good at doing just that, most will stand up to those who would make unmerited allegations against them.

The mission of any business is to make money. This is the case in almost all corporations whether you are talking about childcare, security, etc. Negative publicity and lawsuits, whether they are won are lost, hurts profit margins. Most corporate policy makers consist of bean counters and civil law lawyers who can and will override the judgment of genuine industry experts. This veto power rest solely in the hands of those who care nothing about what is in the best interest of the customers, clients, employee, etc. They are only concerned that their corporate executives get their new 50’ yachts.

Caring For the Physically, Mentally and Developmentally Disabled

I wrote the following outline in May 2000 as encouragement and some understanding to the parents of a 13 month old Ethiopian boy, Fasica, who was born in a Djibouti refugee camp with Cerebral Palsy. His parents’ limited English made it impossible for them to understand what the doctors were telling them. My “personal house call” visit enabled me to

I wrote this outline for them based on my personal experiences as an older brother to a sister, Kelly, with Downs syndrome – a volunteer for the Wyoming Special Olympics – a volunteer with the Mesa (Arizona) Public Schools’ Special Education Department – a MPS Instructional Assistant (sounds more impressive than it really was) – and a respite provider for a couple of disability provider services.

My biggest motivation for converting it into a blog was radio sports talk host, Chris Russell. He had made mention that his son was in a “Challenger League” for children with disabilities. That is when I remember that I still had this on my hard drive and that others might be able to draw encouragement from it if I made a blog out of it. So I hereby dedicate this blog to Kelly, Fasica, and the son of Chris Russell.

I Physical, Mental and Developmental Disabilities are not...

1. the same as mental illness.

2. an indication of a lack of intelligence.

3. the same as laziness.

4. the fault of the child or parent.

5. entirely untreatable.

II Do not assume that they are incapable of…

1. achieving anything.

2. understanding you.

3. understanding what is going on around them.

4. intelligence.

III The Physically, Mentally, Developmentally Disabled need to…

1. be given extra care and consideration.

2. be loved just like everybody else.

3. be motivated just like everyone else.

4. be disciplined just like everyone else.

5. communicate and to be understood just like everybody else.

6. learn just like everyone else.

IV Practical things that we can do to help

1. Learn what means of communication that the disabled individual is capable of.

2. Everyone should get as involved in the habilitation program as possible.

3. Pay attention to any growth that they may have in any area of development.

4. Realize that they may develop in growth spurts in different areas at different time.

5. Be realistic about what to expect so that you do not expect too much.

THE GRACIOUS AND MERCIFUL GOD?

My church, First Arabic Baptist, hosted a series of New Years revival events during the last week of 2007. One of our guest speakers requested that she not be recorded in any way out of concern for herself and her family. She had converted from Islam to Christianity back in 2000 and was therefore afraid of the retribution for doing so. Such retribution is often threatened and occasionally carried out. Never-the-less, she had already made arrangements to fly back to Egypt in order to inform her family of her decision in spite of the risk that it posed to her.

As she was speaking I started to ponder about how the Koran refers to “Allah” as “The Gracious and Merciful.” Never-the-less, I have never read any were in the Koran were “Allah” actually acts in as gracious and merciful manner. Their prophet who recited[1],[2] the Koran to the first Muslims, Muhammad, never speaks in a gracious and merciful manner towards non-believers. He instructs his follows to deal with them in a manner that is anything but gracious and merciful. So if “Allah” is truly the gracious and merciful why does neither He nor His prophet ever speak or act in a gracious and merciful manner?

In 2000, a group of Muslims that we taught English to at my church moved to an apartment complex on the other side of town. Sharon, our director, recruited another church to start an English class for them. They endured a conservative back lash from some of their fellow Muslims who were opposed to them receiving help form Christian. One of our volunteers was confront by one of them when she came to make a social visits with one of the families in advance of the start of the class. On the night of the first class, some of our students were in tears because these hard line conservatives were telling them that they would be bad Muslims if they went. I found out months later that one girl was beaten by her older brother because she tried to get into the van that was sent to pick them up.

Through my tireless service to all of the refugees in their community with out regard to religion, I was able to build a strong enough reputation to start an English to in the community room of their apartment complex. When some of my Muslim students saw me open up the room, they assumed that I was starting another English class. I explained to them what I was doing and the ones that spoke good enough English to understand explained it to those who did not. They then continued to converse about other things in their language at the doorway of the room until I announced that the Bible Study was about to start. As soon as I did the Muslims who were at the doorway quickly exited the room as if they were afraid that their neighbors would think that they actually going to be involved with the study.

While I was writing this, a missionary to Indonesia visited our church. I told us of the horrible persecution that were being committed against the Christians there. These were stories that I have heard many times over since I became a Christian August 4, 1983. The question is, what percentage of all Muslims are involved in these acts? Some would tell you that every Muslim is obligated to participate in such atrocities because the Koran tells them to do so. I stand with those who would tell you that such militants are an ultra radical minority.

It is a fact there is a difference between the teachings of Christianity and the way that Christians conduct themselves on a day to day basis. It is also true that there is a difference the teachings of Islam and the way that Muslims conduct themselves on a day to day basis. Christianity and Islam are religions – Christians and Muslims are human being with free choice. What they are supposed do and what they want to do are not always the same. In the end, it is up to each individual to choose whether to obey what they have been taught or to go their own path.

Never-the-less, it is impossible for anyone to make a strong case that the violent militants are not firm control of Islam. So if “Allah” is truly gracious and merciful, why will the peaceable majority that I know not exist stand up to the militants and take control of their religion? That is a question that they need to answer for themselves.

[1] “The Arabic name (Qur’ān) means ‘The Recital’.”; “Introduction” chapter; “The Koran with Parallel Arabic Text;” pg ix; footnote 1; Penguin Books; © 2000; by: N. J. Dawood

[2] “The Koranic revelations followed each other at brief intervals and were at first committed to memory by professional remembrancers. During Muhammad’s lifetime verses were written on palm-leaves, stones, and any material that came to hand. Their collection was completed during the caliphate of ‘Umar the second Caliph, and an authorized version was established the caliphate of “Uthmān his successor (644-56).”; “Introduction” chapter; “The Koran with Parallel Arabic Text;” pg x; paragraph 4; Penguin Books; © 2000; by: N. J. Dawood

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS AND LENT

New Year Day, 2008

Why do so many people feel obligated to make New Year’s resolutions every year in which they promise to do something that will improve their lives? Loosing weight, quitting smoking and quitting drinking are probably the three most common. Self-control,[1] patience and conflict resolution skills [2] are some of the highly underrated character issues that people really need to be improving. I could go and dig up some statistic done by various research groups that will tell you the precise percentage of people that fail to fulfill such resolution, but I don’t need to. You know for yourself how many times you have failed to keep your own resolutions in the past. You know how many times you and your friends have told each other your resolutions and then failed to keep them. The newscasts during the final week of every year are filled special reports that will tell you how to maintain your resolution. News reporters joke with each other about how they have the same resolution this year as they have had for the past several. They tell you that they always seem to blow their resolutions in less then a week.

Then there is Lent, which was originally a solemn preparation of the hearts of Christians through prayer and fasting of prior to the celebration of Easter. To the modern secular world, it is just another time that are suppose to give up something, but only for 40 days. Many modern secularized Christians pledge to spend the 40 days of Lent acting like the Christians that they are suppose to be year around. My Muslim friends may object to me saying that Ramadan incorporates both aspect of Lent, but I have worked too closely with their community to not be able to see what is blatantly obvious. Lent has been used to justify the invention of the pre-Lent festival know as “Fat Tuesday” which is nothing more then a sin-fest. I find it highly unlikely that anybody who observes “Fat Tuesday” also observes Lent.

The reason why New Year’s resolutions, Lent and other “change your life” days are such vain endeavors is that real change only comes if you really want it. If you really want to change then you won’t wait until the New Year, Lent, etc to do so. Instead, you would immediately start making the changes that you need to make the instant that you realize that they are necessary. Everybody that I have heard give a testimony of how they succeeded in overcoming addictions and other character flaws bares this statement out.

So why celebrate the New Year and Lent? The New Year is a good time to reexamine your life’s goals and then look back over the previous year to see how far you have come to achieving them. This pertains to you education, career, family, etc. Look to see if you are still own track or if you have gotten side tracked somewhere along the way. You then take look to see what adjustments that you may need to make in how you commit your time and finances in order to reach those goals.

Lent is a good time to focus exclusively your spiritual walk especially in the area of your ministry gifts. Do you know what they are? Are you using them? What have you done to develop them so that you can use them more effectively? This spiritual self-examination can also be part of your New Year self-exam. Never-the-less, our spiritual walk is so important that we should take time out to focus on them exclusively. Christmas is so full of family orientated festivities that such solemn activities are difficult to focus on.

It is my hope that what I have written is an encouragement to you. You can make changes if you are trying to make them because you have come to the realization that you must rather then because the calendar says that you should.

[1] Which includes controlling one’s temper

[2] Which is dependent upon the developing self-control and patience

THE BIBLICAL VIEW OF DOMESTIC VIOLANCE

Domestic violence has been a part of nearly every human culture since the beginning of creation. It is an example of the sin nature’s concept that it is the privilege of the strong to exploit the weak. You can not blame the Bible or Christianity for domestic violence which has been around long before the Bible was even written. It is also most prevalent in households and societies where the Bible has the least impact. Please note that I did not say where “Christianity” is not professed.

There are also many who claim to be “Christians” and display their Bibles like a coffee table ornament, but they do not submit to any of its teachings that they do not like. Husbands may shove “wives submit to your husbands” down the throats of their wives. This command is actually found twice in the Bible in passages that also have parts instructing men on how they are to treat their wives. The wording of these passages are too cut and dry for anyone to claim that there are different interpretations for them. Many refuse to obey because these passages conflict with the desires of their sin nature. Some will not even acknowledge that these passages exist.

The first of these is a twelve verse passage found in the letter to the Ephesians. The first three verses instruct wives about how to treat their husband and the next five instruct husbands how they are to treat their wives. The last four verses are directed to both of them as partners in a marriage covenant. This entire passage also is intended to show that the marriage covenant is actually an analogy of the relationship between Christ and His church.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33)

The parts of this passage that instruct husbands show that the role of the husband is not a privilege, but a responsibility. Both the husband and the wife should realize that this responsibility is a tremendous burden that should not be taken lightly. As I said before, the marriage covenant is an analogy and the husband’s role is to try and be to his wife what Christ is to His Church in spite of his human frailties. Husbands have no right to hold their wives to the parts of this passage that pertains to her if they refuse to obey the parts that are directed at him to the best of his ability.[1] Just as Christ never abused the Church, so husbands should never abuse their wives. This pertains to both physical and emotional abuse.

Another passage that is found in the letter to the Colossians is for the most part a two verse summation of the Ephesians passage, but also includes two additional verses pertaining to children and their parents.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers,[2] provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.[3]” (Colossians 3:18-21)

Hurtful words and deeds of berating and rejection are emotionally abusive and lead to anger and discouragement in children by crushing their self-esteem. So are emotionally and physically abusive words and deeds directed towards their mothers who they look to for physical and emotional security. Saying and doing such things puts you in conflict with this passage.

It always perplexes me to see how much better some people treat other people’s children than they treat their own. Then they wonder why they cannot get their own children to obey them. Yes, you have to be careful that you do not get in trouble with other parents by overstepping your bounds and undermine the other parents’ child rearing strategy. You also have the right to raise your child any way you so see fit. Have you ever considered giving up that right and start dealing with your child in a manner that you have already proven works with everybody else’s children?

Now let me present another scripture shown to me by those who believe that it deals directly with domestic violence.

“Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says ‘That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence,’ Says the Lord of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.’" (Malachi 2:14-16)

If you start reading in verse 1 of this chapter; you will find that the entire passage actually deals with the subject of men discarding their sacred marriage covenants and were divorcing their wives. They were doing this just because they wanted to marry other women were generally from the heathen world. This is an example of men assuming to have the “right of absolute rule over their households.” This means that if the husband is a tyrant, the wife and children must simply endure him as the rest of the community stands aside doing and saying nothing in opposition.

There are many so called “Christian” societies still have these same practices and traditions. Not only do they predate the Bible, but also in conflict with it. My work with the refugee community has brought me in contact with such societies. I have found that domestic violence was considered to be a part of a man’s “right of absolute rule over his household.” So the fact that domestic violence may or may not be the actual focus of this passage is a moot point to me.

Another thing to consider is that domestic violence is a form of oppression.

“Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.” (Isaiah 1:17)

“Thus says the Lord: ‘Execute judgment and righteousness, and deliver the plundered out of the hand of the oppressor. Do no wrong and do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, or the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place.’” (Jeremiah 22:3)

Now let’s talk about how Jesus taught us treat our treat our enemies. Should treat our enemies better than we treat our wives and children?

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you…”
(Matthew 5:43-44)

Also consider that Jesus taught us how we are to treat all human beings. Are wives and children exempt from the benefits of these commands?

“Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:34-35)

The apostle Paul taught on proper Christian conduct and character as well in his letters to various churches.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Jesus also told us what his role is in the lives of the oppressed in what I refer to as His personal mission statement.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord." (Luke 4:18-19)

This is just a small sampling of scripture that deal with the subject of domestic violence from many different angles. One final angle to consider is that God is a good and loving father. He loves and protects all of His children ― especially the ones who cannot defend themselves ― and especially the girls! How would you feel if someone was hurting one of your kids? God feels the same way!

[1] The reverse of this is also true as far as wives needing to obey the parts of this passage that pertain to them.

[2] Fathers may be singled out here because they were in charge of the disciplining the children in that society, but these instructions also pertains to mothers in our present day society because they share the burden of child discipline.

[3] Children throwing temper tantrums because they are not getting their way does not lead to discouragement and therefore, this passage does not pertain to such situations.

FREEDOM TO SIN VS. FREEDOM TO LIVE

Thirteen generation ago, are country was founded on the Christian morals taught in the Bible. Unfortunately the first eleven generations were hypocritical in applying them. Slavery of the blacks, the attempted genocide of the Indians and bigotry towards all non-whites were all done in the name of Christianity. And those were just the headlines. We, like all prosperous nations, became an arrogant nation. In public we pretend to be a "Cleaver" like household (remember the show, "Leave it to Beaver"). Unfortunately many of our privet life were anything but. We were a society of "Jecklys and Hides". Does that mean that the Christian morals are bad? The twelfth generation sure thought so. This was my parent's generation, "the hippies".

There cause was not all bad. They were right to speak out against the hypocrisy and to advocate the cause of the powerless. But they went way further then that. Instead of just seeing that some of the people who were in authority were wrong, they saw the entire institution of authority as being wrong. And instead of seeing the blatant misuse of the Bible being bad, they saw the Bible it's self as being bad. Therefore they rebelled against authority in general and the commands of the Holy Scriptures. Many have treated the Bible and the Christians who live by it, as if they are a threat to them personally. I think some of them would rather have their children involved with drugs and gangs then a Bible Study. Some advocate the rights for children to bring guns, condoms and gang apparel to school; but teachers and students should never bring a Bible. What has been the result? They say freedom, freedom to do what ever they want. I can't argue the fact that we have much more freedom to sin, but we also have much less freedom to live.

Let's start with the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS. I'm tired of hearing the "safe sex" schemes. Abstinence requires self-disciple and self-control, two characteristics that are not being developed in children today. These go beyond just issues of morality. People show little or no self discipline or self control in handling adversity, controlling there anger, resolving conflicts, managing finances, holding a job, exercising personal freedoms (like driving a car), etc. So real problem is not morality; it self discipline and self-control. As they go, so goes the society.

Now let us look at how our society has changed. Back in my Grandparent's day, people left their front doors open during the day and were not afraid to walk out at night or to talk to strangers. Now we live in fear of gangs and drugs. Women need to learn self defense to protect them from being rape by any guy walking down the street, as well as abuse from there partner. Children carry guns to school and use them on other children. Anti-Government extremist murder innocent civilians in an attempt to "win" more "freedoms."

But hay, if we are free to choose our own morals then who is to say anyone is wrong. There is nothing wrong with husbands beating up their wives, men raping women, kids killing kids or parents murdering their own children. After all, if there conscience is not bothered by it then it must be O.K., right?

If you believe that all of that is not O.K., then you must believe that society should set down some universal morals. Do you have any suggestions on an effective means of creating such a standard? How about communicating this standard on a broad basis? And what about being able to develop this standard in the members of our society.

I know that Biblical Christianity can do all three, if people would apply it completely. Granted the church is notorious for getting sidetracked into doing other things, but wonderful things happen when it does get on track. And if all the concerned citizens jump on board rather then trying to derail us all the time, this society would have it made!

Now go and look at any list of what someone believes to be the top ten problems facing our society. There are a lot of them out there. How many would be cured by a spiritual revival? You see that some of these are not have to do with morality. It does not matter, the Bible gives practical knowledge about how to live, resolve conflicts, face down adversity, control the dark side of your personality, getting your finances under control, etc. You just need to take the time to read it and understand it; then you can apply it. But maybe that is not what you want for our society. Maybe you would rather be free to sin even more, no matter how much it suppresses all of our freedom to live!

SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem: (Webster’s) n. 1. a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

This definition of self-esteem seems to base on a positive self-esteem. You could say that it is a goal that all humans strive for. So why do we not reach it? Many people have a lot of different explanations for this dilemma, but I believe that I can sum up all of them in one word: Shame! The terms guilt and shame are used interchangeably in the English language, but I see this as a problem. That is because some feeling of remorse are beneficial to us and others are destructive. In the definitions that I am about to give, I will use the term guilt to describe positive remorse and shame to describe destructive remorse.

Guilt: (Webster’s) n. 2. a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Shame: (Webster’s) n., v. shamed, shaming. n. 1. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.

Guilt vs. Shame: (My view) The Webster’s definition for shame expresses a much stronger emotion then its definition for guilt. The severity of these emotions can cause long-term repercussions. Although Webster’s may not totally agree with how I expand that thought, the following is an understanding that I have received from many different sources. Guilt says you are a human being who just simply messed up. Shame says you did something terrible and even unforgivable. Guilt says you did something wrong[1]; but shame can lead to the belief that there is something wrong with you. We are not talking about coming to the realization that you are a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness through the shed blood of his Son. That is a Biblical understanding that we all need to come to. What we are talking about is believing that you are unworthy of forgiveness and are without hope.[2] And that is a lie of Satan!

[1] Romans 3:10-24, 5:12, 5:18-19
[2] John 3:16-17; Romans 5:1-11, 5:15-17, 10:8-13

BOUNDARIES VS. WALLS

Boundaries: (Webster’s) n. 1. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.

(My view) Limitations set in order that all parties involved can feel safe enough to be themselves, live in peace and grow in their intimacy with each other. This is not only the order of progression for relationship with boundaries; but it is also the order of destruction for those without.

Walls: (Webster’s) n. 3. an immaterial or intangible barrier, obstruction, etc., suggesting a wall: a wall of prejudice.

(My view) Attitudes, actions and restrictions that undermine a relationship’s ability to exist. Walls keep feelings in and people out.

Boundaries vs. Walls: (My view) Setting boundaries is the first lesson that most of us co-dependents learn in recovery. We have been walked on all of our lives. We are sick and tired of being sick and tired and we are not going to take any more. So we start “setting down the rules”. But what kind of rules do we set down? What effect will these rules have on our relationship?

I have seen so many co-dependents with a controlling nature take the principles of boundaries and misuse it to justify them doing what they have always tried to do, control those around them. They wield boundaries over everybody’s heads like a sledgehammer. And if you do not tow the line, the hammer will drop. This does not bring about a safe and peaceful environment that will allow the relationship to grow in intimacy.

I will acknowledge that there are relationships that need to be severed. Those relationships that was not only a mistake to get into; but also pose such a danger to the person’s well being that they must leave for their own safety. This does not justify divorcing your spouse just because they have a list of annoying habit or a thick skull. I have noticed that the ones who are the most frustrated with their spouse’s thick skull have skulls that are just as thick. But domestic violence is another matter altogether. It is as much as a violation of the marriage covenant as adultery. Not only does the Bible command husbands to love your wives; but it also warns repeatedly that God is angered by those who oppress those who cannot defend themselves.[1]

[1] Jeremiah 7:1-7; Amos 4:1-3; Zechariah 7:8-10; Ephesians 5:23-33; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 1:7

WHAT IS LOVE AND TOUGH LOVE?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love

There are two primary Greek words that are translated as “love” in the English New Testament of the Bible: agapē and philĕō. Agapē is commonly defined by Christian as “unconditional love.” It is interesting to note that agapē is also translated as charity in 1 Corinthians 13 in the King James Version of the Bible. This expresses agapē’s willingness to give without expecting anything in return. Although just about everybody of every religious belief would agree that agapē style love is something to strive for; Christians alone realize that it can only be fulfilled to its fullest extent with God’s power working in our lives.

Philĕō is badly underrated by most Christians to the point of receiving a bad rap. It is what we feel towards those who are close to us. This would include both family and friends. A more technical definition would be “to be a friend (fond of [an individual or an object]), ie. Having affection for (denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling…”[1] Most Christians seem look at the prominent role that agapē plays through out the New Testament and conclude that philĕō is a second rate expression of love. After all, philĕō is an emotion and us Christians are not suppose to be guided by our emotions. But the Bible tells us that God feels philĕō for both His Son and for us.[2] It also tells us that we philĕō God’s Son and that we should feel philĕō for each other.[3] It should also be realized that the biggest reason that agapē is given some much prominence is because as I said earlier, it goes entirely against human nature. Philĕō on the other hand is even demonstrated by people who are in the world. This is therefore the conclusion that I have come to:

Although feeling and emotions may not be strong enough to sustain our relationships in the long term, they do give meaning to them. They motivate us in to action. It is the philĕō that I have for my family and friends that make me want to do acts of agapē. The hardest part about my loving and forgiving my enemies who I hardly know is the fact that I have no real incentive to good out of my way to make peace with them. Maybe it is someone at work or even church that I never see any other time. Or maybe a neighbor that I will only cross paths will by chance. But if it is someone who’s relationship that I value, I will loose sleep at night trying to figure out how to reconcile. I know that this is not a Biblical; but it is the way it is. Agapē may be how we save our relationship; but philĕō is why.

Tough Love

The most controversial aspect of love, from a Christian standpoint, is “tough love”. Many Christians not only refuse to believe that there is any Biblical support for such a concept, but that the entire concept its self goes entirely against scripture. They would have a strong case if it were not for the fact that their evidence is based on those who divorce much if not their entire recover program, including their understanding of “tough love”, from the Bible. Let me give you an example of a real life situation in which I advocated the use of Biblical tough love:

A lady was giving me a ride home from work one night. She told me about her moving to Phoenix in order to help out her little sitter after their mother had past away. This sister, who was in her late twenties, had been babied by their mother and had never grown up. Therefore this lady, a single parent of a seven year old, was going to take over where their mother had left off. She asked me, “Isn’t this what God would want me to do?” I asked her, “Do you believe that God wants her to grow up and be more responsible?” She replied, “Yes.” Then I ask, “Is what you are doing making it possible for her to not have to grow up?” One again she replied, “Yes.” Finally I ask her, “So is this what God what’s you to do?” See replied, “No.”

The problem that so many co-dependants have is that they hate to see people, especially their loved ones, suffer to the point that those who are irresponsible do not have to grow up. They cannot see that rescuing someone from the consequences of their own actions actually does them more harm then good. It is one thing to help someone who is struggling because of things that are beyond their control or from mistakes that they have made and have learned from and are trying to rebound from. It is another thing all together when they are suffering the repetitive consequences of their own repetitive actions, especially when these actions are blatant acts of sin.

Co-dependents are also entirely unaware of the games that irresponsible people play in order to get others to enable them. Let us take for example your typical alcoholic/drug addict. They go to their family members with a sob story about how hard up they are because of this, that and some other thing. They tell their family members that they just need a few dollars to get them by to their next paycheck so they can pay a bill or get some food. As soon as they get the money, they are off to the nearest liquor store or drug dealer. One family member after another will start seeing through their games over time and start cutting them off. As they start running out of enabling family members, they start going more and more to “friends” with their now sobbier story about how hard up they are because of this, that and some other thing. And to make matters worse, their own family does not care enough about them to help them out. They will find new enablers almost as fast as they lose the old ones.

So if they are spending almost all of their cash on drugs and alcohol, then where do they get food to eat? Having work with my churches food pantry, I can tell you from first had observation how the “career homeless”[4] operates. I do not care what anyone else tells you, it is a fact that no adults go hungry in this country unless their too proud to ask for help or their motivation to take care of themselves have been wiped out by depression or hard drugs. With all of the food pantries and soup kitchen and the fact that panhandlers make more money per hour then many hard working citizens do, you do not have to worry about them going hungry. They know the system and they know how to use it the same way they use their family and “friends”. And when they do get hard up for cash, they will go to the day labor halls where they will give feeble work for feeble pay. Because they are not require to make any commitment to their employer beyond that day, they will go and work a day or two when ever they need money to by anything that can not get from the food pantries, soup kitchen and other social services. The number one idem on their list are drugs and alcohol. This is the reason that those who are professional construction workers refer to all day laborers as “rent-a-drunks”. I myself have worked day labor, so I know that everybody who does are true “rent-a-drunks;” but I also know for a fact that a notable percentage are.

So how does the Bible say that we should deal with those who choice to live in a pattern of redundant irresponsibility and sin? When Paul, in the above scripture reference instructed the church on how to deal with an immoral believer, he told them to, “...hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.”[5] He would later say, “…Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.”[6] Hand people over to Satan?! That seam kind of harsh to me! Unfortunately, that is what it takes to get though to some people. What is worse is that some people still will not learn even after such an ordeal. Do not get the idea that this in any way suggest that we should be praying curses over anyone. Handing them over to Satan simply means that we stop trying to shelter them from the consequences of their actions. A person who rejects the ways of God and follows Satan into a blatantly sinful life is on a path of destruction. We need to be praying for God’s intervention. But ultimately it will come down to them making decisions at various crossroads of live. At some point in time they will reach that final crossroad and be given that one final choice, we can only pray that it will be the right one. Some, such as the immoral believer in 1 Corinthians 5:1-5, do finally repent. It is believed by many, including myself, that he is the one the Paul refers to in 2 Corinthians 2: 3-11. Paul then instructs the church to:”…reaffirm your love for him...in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”

The concept of tough love is something that many co-dependents are too eager to embrace. Those who were doormats are more than happy to free themselves, while those who have always been controlling and manipulative find justification for doing what comes naturally. That is because most people in recovery are taught this concept absent of the guidance of the Bible.

The first time I tried to use what I called “tough love”, it was in order to get a friend to change into what I wanted her to be. The Holy Spirit convicted me by calling it “emotional blackmail.” I tried to use our friendship as leverage to get her to come out of her co-dependent denial. If she would not change then it would be unhealthy for me to remain friends with her. I tried justifying this attitude by believing that I was doing this for her own good; but the fact was that was doing it to get my own wants met. I had romantic intensions towards her and wanted her to take away my loneness. She was afraid of getting close to people so she tried to get her needs met be trying to meet everybody else’s needs. Yes, her behavior was defiantly dysfunctional; but my agenda for confronting her was just as bad.

A lot of what I have seen done in the name of “tough love” would best be described as blackmail. If our significant others does not straighten up and fly right, then they are going to suffer the consequences. After all, their significant others are the cause of most of their problems; and so they cannot fix their own problems until after their significant others change. This is a bogus notion that nearly every co-dependant embraces early on in their recovery. Some of them never give it up!

Some of the demands for change do not even involve unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes it is a matter of the person who is applying the “tough love” is just intolerant of the differences in others. They have a self-righteous, judgmental standard for what is and is not appropriate behavior that they expect everyone to conform to. This too is an unbiblical usage of tough love.

^[1] Strong's Bible Concordance, Greek Dictionary of the New Testament, ref. #5368

^[2] John 5:20, 16:27; Revelation 3:19

^[3] John 16:27; Romans 12:10; Titus 2:4, 3:4, 3:15, Hebrews 13:1; 1 Peter 1:22, 3:8; 2 Peter 1:9

[4] Note that there is a big difference between someone being homeless because of bad breaks or choices that they have learned and grown from, and someone who makes a career out of being homeless.

^[5] 1 Corinthian 5:5

^[6] 1 Timothy 1:20

THE RIVER CROSSING

I hiked the Wind River Mountains in Wyoming with my Boy Scouts troop back when I was 14. During the hike, we came to a river that we would have to wade across. My Dad, who was volunteering to help out on the hike, found a spot that was shallow enough for us to wade across safely. We were given clear instructions before we started, “cross against the current.” But as I look up stream, I saw how fast the current was and thought to myself, “that looks too hard.” I tried picturing myself trying to push myself, one foot at a time, against the force of the river. It seemed like it would be too hard to do. I looked down stream and knew that crossing with the current would be a mistake. Then I looked straight across, and the current just did not seem so strong. So I decided to ignore the orders of my Dad, Scout Master and all the other adults with us that day.

When my turn came, I started to take a straight path across the river! As I did, everybody on both sides were yelling for me to cross against the current; but I thought, “I will show them, this is so much easier.” Just before I got out to about waist high, my foot slipped; but I quickly regained my balance. I thought to myself, “Hah — I caught myself!” But everyone continued to yell for me to cross against the current! Then I took the next step; actually I tried to take my next step. As I extended my left leg, the force of the current pushed it down stream of my right leg! At that time my legs were crossed! Everyone continued to yell to me and then I thought that maybe I should listen. I quickly repositioned my right leg to regain my balance; but before I could find a good spot to set it, the force of the river pushed my left leg down stream again! Quick I tried to reposition my right leg; but then the force of the current did it again! This time I had no chance to recover. The force of the current pushed me over side ways and began to carry me down stream. Fortunately, one of the older scouts jumped in immediately and pulled me to shore.

Two or three days later, we had to cross another river. Again my Dad found a spot shallow enough for us to cross at. Again we were instructed to cross against the current. This time I followed directions. It was strenuous pushing one foot at a time directly into the force of the current; but it did not take me long to realize something. Crossing against the current put my body in a Poisson that give me the stability to stand my ground. I finally crossed the river, I was a little bit fatigued in my legs; but I was dry from the waist up.

When we confronted with adversity in life, we try our hardest to avoid dealing with it head on. After all, there is just so must stress involved in dealing with such situation. So we try to find what appears to be an easier rout. But the adversity keeps coming and our attempts to avoid it have left us in a position to where we cannot take steps to alleviate them. We wind paying the price in the end in the form of the weakening or even total lose of our family relationships, friendships, goals, dream, joy, serenity, sobriety and even our sanity. Then we turn around and blame the people and circumstances involved in the adversity for all our misery. Or we act like we are bullet proof, “it is all water under the bridge,” we tell our selves and others. But this is far from accurate; it is actually water over our heads!

SWIMMING LESSONS

I took a survival swimming course shortly after graduating from high school. We were taught how to do the, “survival bob.” If we were ever stranded in the water and needed to buy time for help to arrive, we would go threw repetitive cycle of relaxing our arms allowing ourselves to sink below water for a few seconds so we can rest them, and then paddle our way back above water for a few seconds to get more oxygen. By doing this, you are supposed to be able to survive out in the ocean for several days.

I am to this day a poor swimmer, so my instructor and I thought it would be good for me to send my free time practicing basic swimming. So while he would be busy with some one else or just relaxing, I would push myself as far out as possible from the side of the pool in front of him at the deep end and practice swimming back. I did this several times in a row and then decided to do it just one more time. That was one more time then my arms had the strength to pull me back.

I quickly calmed myself and went into the “survival bob” routine that I had just been taught. I rested my arms, and after being underwater for a few second, I started paddling myself back above water. The instant my head broke the surface, I calmly called out for help; but my arms were fatigued again. And so I rested them long enough to get some straight back in them and then shot back to the. This time I knew my instructor would be read for me.

As soon as broke the surface, I heard him say, “Jason, over here!” I could not see him because of all the splashing I was doing, but I heard were the voice had come from. I reach out in that direction and then felt my wrist being grabbed and then me being pulled. After I was back holding the side of the pool, my instructor commended me for my efforts.

Life is full of growth and challenges. God is pleased when we step out and take risks that will improve our relationship with Him and all that He has created. God wants us to strive for these noble goals that He has placed in our hearts. This is how He transforms us into the image of his Son. And when we fall short, He will always be right there to get us out of our jams. He will not condemn us for not meeting these goals; but instead He will commend us for our obedience and courage.