Summarizing My 2008 in One Word: Discrimination! (Part 2 of 4)

Yes, I know that because I am a white male Christian that I should only be the perpetrator of discrimination and never the victim. However, I managed to get the short end of the stick four times this year. These have resulted in me having to endure serious finical hardship.

The second occurrence of discrimination is one that I can never prove, but I have been a security officer long enough to know what standard operating procedures are. Therefore, when they are set aside, I start wondering why. The nature of what I believe to discrimination was ethnic and religious in nature. The funniest thing about this is that I am not of the targeted ethnicity and I reject the targeted religion.

From March – June, I was assigned to the Ulta Cosmetics warehouse here in Phoenix while working for Allegiance Security. My duties were centered around loss prevention, which required me to be by the employee entrance so I could inspect all containers for client merchandise. The client allowed me to bring my laptop to work during slow periods as long as it did not distract me when the employees did come through.

One night in June, I was working on the Microsoft Power Point slide presentation to be used prior to the start of my Arabic church’s Sunday morning service. My pastor had e-mailed me a copy of the bulletin that he does on Microsoft Word and I was copy and pasting the various sections. Because my church ministers to the Arab community, the texts were both in English and Arabic. On the night in question, I was working on the following slide:

كيف أصبح عضوا في هذه الكنيسة

HOW TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH

يجب أن أقابل الرب وما فعله من أجلي على الصليب
YOU MUST HAVE A MEETING WITH THE LORD AND SEE WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR YOU

يجب أن أعترف في حاجتي الى خلاصه العجيب وأختبر ذاك الخلاص
YOU MUST CONFESS YOUR NEED FOR HIS WONDERFUL SALVATION AND EXPERIENCE IT

يجب أن أعلن رغبتي للإنضمام إلى الكنيسة
YOU MUST DECLARE YOUR DESIRE TO JOIN HIS CHURCH

تجب أن أتبع وصية المسيح بالمعمودية بالتغطيس

YOU MUST FOLLOW IN BAPTISM THROUGH IMMERSION AS HE COMMANDED

While I was working on this slide, a client employee (whom I had a good rapport with at the time) briefly glanced over my shoulder. Apparently, he only noticed the Arabic script as he went out the door. He asked me if I was reading “al-Qaeda c***” and left without giving me a chance to respond. The client, whom had made no complaints about me prior to this, requested that I be removed from site three days later.

Because we security officer are “contracted employee,” we are not entitled to any right of due process from the client. Technically speaking, the client can have us removed for site just because they feel like it. Our employers themselves are required to give us due process before imposing disciplinary action, but the client does not. A run of the mill transferring of a guard to another site is not considered a disciplinary action in and of its self because their employment is not interrupted.

Security industry standard operating procedure for a guard being removed from site at the client’s request is to call him or her into the office and tell them why. When I went in, that told me not to worry about it. They did not believe what the client said and all of my fellow guards speak highly of me. What? Why did my supervisors go to my fellow guards in order to get their opinion of me? Why will they not tell me what the clients said about me? I have been in the security industry for most of the past seven years and this is not consistent with the industries professional standards.

The following week, my supervisor came to check on me at the site were they had transferred me. As we talk, I found opportunity to talk to him about my involvement with my church. It is just something that Christians like me naturally do. He claimed to be a Christian as well, but I did not sense that he was asking more about my church out of curiosity. I felt like he was being an inquisitor right from the beginning when he said, “So your a Christian.”

I entertained the possibility that they could be another explanation as to why I was removed from site up until this conversation. If I am right, Ulta Cosmetics put Allegiance Security in a bind. This act of discrimination, if I could prove it, could have resulted in a lawsuit against both of them. However, you are supposed to give the client what they want in order to keep the contract. On this occasion, Allegiance Security got to have their cake and eat it too.

Summarizing My 2008 in One Word: Discrimination! (Part 1 of 4)

Yes, I know that because I am a white male Christian that I should only be the perpetrator of discrimination and never the victim. However, I managed to get the short end of the stick four times this year. These have resulted in me having to endure serious finical hardship.

The first occurrence happened in February while I was with my first employer of the year, ResCare Homecare. I was hired to provide services to my assigned clients who mostly required respite and personal care. The discriminatory act in this instance was committed by the next-door neighbor of a 4-year-old autistic boy who I was to provide respite and habitation. Her complaint of me “touching him inappropriately” centered around my use of the intervention technique call, “the bear hug.” There is no doubt in my mind that she would have never made such an accusation against a woman using this technique. After all, I am a man and some view all men as being abusers of women and children.

Lisa Ratan taught “The bear hug” technique to me when I worked in the Early Childhood Department of Word of Grace Church in Mesa, AZ. (March 1993 - August 1995) Ms. Ratan was a member of the ASU faculty were she taught a course on Early Childhood. She was a staunch advocate of children’s rights and had classroom standards that were far superior to those of the State of Arizona. Example: the State allowed for a 15/1 student/teacher ratio in daycare kindergarten classrooms and did not require a second teacher unless the attendance reached 16 or more. Ms. Ratan’s ratio was 12/1 and that there was always to be at least two teachers no matter how small your attendance.

Ms. Ratan taught “the bear hug” as a non-abusive “intervention technique.” It was used a child needed to be restrained from doing something that could injure themselves or others. The hug it self, couple with speaking to the child in a calm-firm voice, was designed to stop the behavior in a way that also show affection. In this manner, the behavior is ended while your rapport with the child is strengthened. As I used this technique, I noticed that many of the children that I used it on regularly actually enjoyed being held. It therefore dawned on me to try to use it as a “preemptive” technique. I would give these children the affection they craved before they acted up and therefore would not have to act inappropriately in order to receive it, and it worked!

The boy that I worked with in February was the first autistic child that I have ever tried using it with. It was all that I knew to do with a child who’s out of control behavior was chasing away caregivers left and right. It is hard for me to say whether or not it would have been effective with him because the allegation was made less then a week and a half after I started working with him. There was no question that he and I were bonding; the question was whether or not he would start minding. His autism seemed to make him “randomly tactile defensive” meaning that what he like one day, including “the bear hug,” he did not like the next. I defiantly need a more comprehensive strategy for working with him that may or may not have included a limited use of “the bear hug,” but I was never given the opportunity to ask.

I was placed on immediate administrative leave without pay because of this allegation. After about six weeks, ResCare finally asked me to come in and give my side of the story. Why so long? They claimed there were a spike in various allegations made against various caregivers and they handled them in the order of gravity. Those who were accused of worst acts were moved ahead of mine. They were also required by law to report allegations of this nature to both the police and Child Protective Services, neither of which ever contacted me.

ResCare finally reached their decision in August after about five months of them sometime investigating the allegation and sometimes putting me on the back burner. They offered me my job back; but would only allow me to work with adults. What they did not say is that I had been exonerated of this allegation. If I truly were, they would not have placed this restriction upon me. They found no reason to believe that I was guilty and that is all they cared about. Some of my clients that I worked with before being placed on administrative leave were adults and I had no objections to resume working with them. The three objections that I do have are: first, that such a restriction says that they believe that I might be guilty and my reputation is still in question. Second, the restriction is a condemnation of a technique taught to me be a mentor that I highly respect and that I have used effectively ever since. Finally, my right to an expedient due process was violated.

I have use Ms. Ratan’s “bear hug” technique in a number of volunteer Church setting and have been praised for my ability to handle children. I have also tried to use this same technique in professional settings, such as daycare, respite care, etc and have been run out every time. Why the difference? The mission of the Churches is, in part, to minister to the needs of those who come to them. When they see someone is good at doing just that, most will stand up to those who would make unmerited allegations against them.

The mission of any business is to make money. This is the case in almost all corporations whether you are talking about childcare, security, etc. Negative publicity and lawsuits, whether they are won are lost, hurts profit margins. Most corporate policy makers consist of bean counters and civil law lawyers who can and will override the judgment of genuine industry experts. This veto power rest solely in the hands of those who care nothing about what is in the best interest of the customers, clients, employee, etc. They are only concerned that their corporate executives get their new 50’ yachts.

Caring For the Physically, Mentally and Developmentally Disabled

I wrote the following outline in May 2000 as encouragement and some understanding to the parents of a 13 month old Ethiopian boy, Fasica, who was born in a Djibouti refugee camp with Cerebral Palsy. His parents’ limited English made it impossible for them to understand what the doctors were telling them. My “personal house call” visit enabled me to

I wrote this outline for them based on my personal experiences as an older brother to a sister, Kelly, with Downs syndrome – a volunteer for the Wyoming Special Olympics – a volunteer with the Mesa (Arizona) Public Schools’ Special Education Department – a MPS Instructional Assistant (sounds more impressive than it really was) – and a respite provider for a couple of disability provider services.

My biggest motivation for converting it into a blog was radio sports talk host, Chris Russell. He had made mention that his son was in a “Challenger League” for children with disabilities. That is when I remember that I still had this on my hard drive and that others might be able to draw encouragement from it if I made a blog out of it. So I hereby dedicate this blog to Kelly, Fasica, and the son of Chris Russell.

I Physical, Mental and Developmental Disabilities are not...

1. the same as mental illness.

2. an indication of a lack of intelligence.

3. the same as laziness.

4. the fault of the child or parent.

5. entirely untreatable.

II Do not assume that they are incapable of…

1. achieving anything.

2. understanding you.

3. understanding what is going on around them.

4. intelligence.

III The Physically, Mentally, Developmentally Disabled need to…

1. be given extra care and consideration.

2. be loved just like everybody else.

3. be motivated just like everyone else.

4. be disciplined just like everyone else.

5. communicate and to be understood just like everybody else.

6. learn just like everyone else.

IV Practical things that we can do to help

1. Learn what means of communication that the disabled individual is capable of.

2. Everyone should get as involved in the habilitation program as possible.

3. Pay attention to any growth that they may have in any area of development.

4. Realize that they may develop in growth spurts in different areas at different time.

5. Be realistic about what to expect so that you do not expect too much.

THE GRACIOUS AND MERCIFUL GOD?

My church, First Arabic Baptist, hosted a series of New Years revival events during the last week of 2007. One of our guest speakers requested that she not be recorded in any way out of concern for herself and her family. She had converted from Islam to Christianity back in 2000 and was therefore afraid of the retribution for doing so. Such retribution is often threatened and occasionally carried out. Never-the-less, she had already made arrangements to fly back to Egypt in order to inform her family of her decision in spite of the risk that it posed to her.

As she was speaking I started to ponder about how the Koran refers to “Allah” as “The Gracious and Merciful.” Never-the-less, I have never read any were in the Koran were “Allah” actually acts in as gracious and merciful manner. Their prophet who recited[1],[2] the Koran to the first Muslims, Muhammad, never speaks in a gracious and merciful manner towards non-believers. He instructs his follows to deal with them in a manner that is anything but gracious and merciful. So if “Allah” is truly the gracious and merciful why does neither He nor His prophet ever speak or act in a gracious and merciful manner?

In 2000, a group of Muslims that we taught English to at my church moved to an apartment complex on the other side of town. Sharon, our director, recruited another church to start an English class for them. They endured a conservative back lash from some of their fellow Muslims who were opposed to them receiving help form Christian. One of our volunteers was confront by one of them when she came to make a social visits with one of the families in advance of the start of the class. On the night of the first class, some of our students were in tears because these hard line conservatives were telling them that they would be bad Muslims if they went. I found out months later that one girl was beaten by her older brother because she tried to get into the van that was sent to pick them up.

Through my tireless service to all of the refugees in their community with out regard to religion, I was able to build a strong enough reputation to start an English to in the community room of their apartment complex. When some of my Muslim students saw me open up the room, they assumed that I was starting another English class. I explained to them what I was doing and the ones that spoke good enough English to understand explained it to those who did not. They then continued to converse about other things in their language at the doorway of the room until I announced that the Bible Study was about to start. As soon as I did the Muslims who were at the doorway quickly exited the room as if they were afraid that their neighbors would think that they actually going to be involved with the study.

While I was writing this, a missionary to Indonesia visited our church. I told us of the horrible persecution that were being committed against the Christians there. These were stories that I have heard many times over since I became a Christian August 4, 1983. The question is, what percentage of all Muslims are involved in these acts? Some would tell you that every Muslim is obligated to participate in such atrocities because the Koran tells them to do so. I stand with those who would tell you that such militants are an ultra radical minority.

It is a fact there is a difference between the teachings of Christianity and the way that Christians conduct themselves on a day to day basis. It is also true that there is a difference the teachings of Islam and the way that Muslims conduct themselves on a day to day basis. Christianity and Islam are religions – Christians and Muslims are human being with free choice. What they are supposed do and what they want to do are not always the same. In the end, it is up to each individual to choose whether to obey what they have been taught or to go their own path.

Never-the-less, it is impossible for anyone to make a strong case that the violent militants are not firm control of Islam. So if “Allah” is truly gracious and merciful, why will the peaceable majority that I know not exist stand up to the militants and take control of their religion? That is a question that they need to answer for themselves.

[1] “The Arabic name (Qur’ān) means ‘The Recital’.”; “Introduction” chapter; “The Koran with Parallel Arabic Text;” pg ix; footnote 1; Penguin Books; © 2000; by: N. J. Dawood

[2] “The Koranic revelations followed each other at brief intervals and were at first committed to memory by professional remembrancers. During Muhammad’s lifetime verses were written on palm-leaves, stones, and any material that came to hand. Their collection was completed during the caliphate of ‘Umar the second Caliph, and an authorized version was established the caliphate of “Uthmān his successor (644-56).”; “Introduction” chapter; “The Koran with Parallel Arabic Text;” pg x; paragraph 4; Penguin Books; © 2000; by: N. J. Dawood

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS AND LENT

New Year Day, 2008

Why do so many people feel obligated to make New Year’s resolutions every year in which they promise to do something that will improve their lives? Loosing weight, quitting smoking and quitting drinking are probably the three most common. Self-control,[1] patience and conflict resolution skills [2] are some of the highly underrated character issues that people really need to be improving. I could go and dig up some statistic done by various research groups that will tell you the precise percentage of people that fail to fulfill such resolution, but I don’t need to. You know for yourself how many times you have failed to keep your own resolutions in the past. You know how many times you and your friends have told each other your resolutions and then failed to keep them. The newscasts during the final week of every year are filled special reports that will tell you how to maintain your resolution. News reporters joke with each other about how they have the same resolution this year as they have had for the past several. They tell you that they always seem to blow their resolutions in less then a week.

Then there is Lent, which was originally a solemn preparation of the hearts of Christians through prayer and fasting of prior to the celebration of Easter. To the modern secular world, it is just another time that are suppose to give up something, but only for 40 days. Many modern secularized Christians pledge to spend the 40 days of Lent acting like the Christians that they are suppose to be year around. My Muslim friends may object to me saying that Ramadan incorporates both aspect of Lent, but I have worked too closely with their community to not be able to see what is blatantly obvious. Lent has been used to justify the invention of the pre-Lent festival know as “Fat Tuesday” which is nothing more then a sin-fest. I find it highly unlikely that anybody who observes “Fat Tuesday” also observes Lent.

The reason why New Year’s resolutions, Lent and other “change your life” days are such vain endeavors is that real change only comes if you really want it. If you really want to change then you won’t wait until the New Year, Lent, etc to do so. Instead, you would immediately start making the changes that you need to make the instant that you realize that they are necessary. Everybody that I have heard give a testimony of how they succeeded in overcoming addictions and other character flaws bares this statement out.

So why celebrate the New Year and Lent? The New Year is a good time to reexamine your life’s goals and then look back over the previous year to see how far you have come to achieving them. This pertains to you education, career, family, etc. Look to see if you are still own track or if you have gotten side tracked somewhere along the way. You then take look to see what adjustments that you may need to make in how you commit your time and finances in order to reach those goals.

Lent is a good time to focus exclusively your spiritual walk especially in the area of your ministry gifts. Do you know what they are? Are you using them? What have you done to develop them so that you can use them more effectively? This spiritual self-examination can also be part of your New Year self-exam. Never-the-less, our spiritual walk is so important that we should take time out to focus on them exclusively. Christmas is so full of family orientated festivities that such solemn activities are difficult to focus on.

It is my hope that what I have written is an encouragement to you. You can make changes if you are trying to make them because you have come to the realization that you must rather then because the calendar says that you should.

[1] Which includes controlling one’s temper

[2] Which is dependent upon the developing self-control and patience

THE BIBLICAL VIEW OF DOMESTIC VIOLANCE

Domestic violence has been a part of nearly every human culture since the beginning of creation. It is an example of the sin nature’s concept that it is the privilege of the strong to exploit the weak. You can not blame the Bible or Christianity for domestic violence which has been around long before the Bible was even written. It is also most prevalent in households and societies where the Bible has the least impact. Please note that I did not say where “Christianity” is not professed.

There are also many who claim to be “Christians” and display their Bibles like a coffee table ornament, but they do not submit to any of its teachings that they do not like. Husbands may shove “wives submit to your husbands” down the throats of their wives. This command is actually found twice in the Bible in passages that also have parts instructing men on how they are to treat their wives. The wording of these passages are too cut and dry for anyone to claim that there are different interpretations for them. Many refuse to obey because these passages conflict with the desires of their sin nature. Some will not even acknowledge that these passages exist.

The first of these is a twelve verse passage found in the letter to the Ephesians. The first three verses instruct wives about how to treat their husband and the next five instruct husbands how they are to treat their wives. The last four verses are directed to both of them as partners in a marriage covenant. This entire passage also is intended to show that the marriage covenant is actually an analogy of the relationship between Christ and His church.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33)

The parts of this passage that instruct husbands show that the role of the husband is not a privilege, but a responsibility. Both the husband and the wife should realize that this responsibility is a tremendous burden that should not be taken lightly. As I said before, the marriage covenant is an analogy and the husband’s role is to try and be to his wife what Christ is to His Church in spite of his human frailties. Husbands have no right to hold their wives to the parts of this passage that pertains to her if they refuse to obey the parts that are directed at him to the best of his ability.[1] Just as Christ never abused the Church, so husbands should never abuse their wives. This pertains to both physical and emotional abuse.

Another passage that is found in the letter to the Colossians is for the most part a two verse summation of the Ephesians passage, but also includes two additional verses pertaining to children and their parents.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers,[2] provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.[3]” (Colossians 3:18-21)

Hurtful words and deeds of berating and rejection are emotionally abusive and lead to anger and discouragement in children by crushing their self-esteem. So are emotionally and physically abusive words and deeds directed towards their mothers who they look to for physical and emotional security. Saying and doing such things puts you in conflict with this passage.

It always perplexes me to see how much better some people treat other people’s children than they treat their own. Then they wonder why they cannot get their own children to obey them. Yes, you have to be careful that you do not get in trouble with other parents by overstepping your bounds and undermine the other parents’ child rearing strategy. You also have the right to raise your child any way you so see fit. Have you ever considered giving up that right and start dealing with your child in a manner that you have already proven works with everybody else’s children?

Now let me present another scripture shown to me by those who believe that it deals directly with domestic violence.

“Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says ‘That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence,’ Says the Lord of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.’" (Malachi 2:14-16)

If you start reading in verse 1 of this chapter; you will find that the entire passage actually deals with the subject of men discarding their sacred marriage covenants and were divorcing their wives. They were doing this just because they wanted to marry other women were generally from the heathen world. This is an example of men assuming to have the “right of absolute rule over their households.” This means that if the husband is a tyrant, the wife and children must simply endure him as the rest of the community stands aside doing and saying nothing in opposition.

There are many so called “Christian” societies still have these same practices and traditions. Not only do they predate the Bible, but also in conflict with it. My work with the refugee community has brought me in contact with such societies. I have found that domestic violence was considered to be a part of a man’s “right of absolute rule over his household.” So the fact that domestic violence may or may not be the actual focus of this passage is a moot point to me.

Another thing to consider is that domestic violence is a form of oppression.

“Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.” (Isaiah 1:17)

“Thus says the Lord: ‘Execute judgment and righteousness, and deliver the plundered out of the hand of the oppressor. Do no wrong and do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, or the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place.’” (Jeremiah 22:3)

Now let’s talk about how Jesus taught us treat our treat our enemies. Should treat our enemies better than we treat our wives and children?

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you…”
(Matthew 5:43-44)

Also consider that Jesus taught us how we are to treat all human beings. Are wives and children exempt from the benefits of these commands?

“Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:34-35)

The apostle Paul taught on proper Christian conduct and character as well in his letters to various churches.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Jesus also told us what his role is in the lives of the oppressed in what I refer to as His personal mission statement.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord." (Luke 4:18-19)

This is just a small sampling of scripture that deal with the subject of domestic violence from many different angles. One final angle to consider is that God is a good and loving father. He loves and protects all of His children ― especially the ones who cannot defend themselves ― and especially the girls! How would you feel if someone was hurting one of your kids? God feels the same way!

[1] The reverse of this is also true as far as wives needing to obey the parts of this passage that pertain to them.

[2] Fathers may be singled out here because they were in charge of the disciplining the children in that society, but these instructions also pertains to mothers in our present day society because they share the burden of child discipline.

[3] Children throwing temper tantrums because they are not getting their way does not lead to discouragement and therefore, this passage does not pertain to such situations.

FREEDOM TO SIN VS. FREEDOM TO LIVE

Thirteen generation ago, are country was founded on the Christian morals taught in the Bible. Unfortunately the first eleven generations were hypocritical in applying them. Slavery of the blacks, the attempted genocide of the Indians and bigotry towards all non-whites were all done in the name of Christianity. And those were just the headlines. We, like all prosperous nations, became an arrogant nation. In public we pretend to be a "Cleaver" like household (remember the show, "Leave it to Beaver"). Unfortunately many of our privet life were anything but. We were a society of "Jecklys and Hides". Does that mean that the Christian morals are bad? The twelfth generation sure thought so. This was my parent's generation, "the hippies".

There cause was not all bad. They were right to speak out against the hypocrisy and to advocate the cause of the powerless. But they went way further then that. Instead of just seeing that some of the people who were in authority were wrong, they saw the entire institution of authority as being wrong. And instead of seeing the blatant misuse of the Bible being bad, they saw the Bible it's self as being bad. Therefore they rebelled against authority in general and the commands of the Holy Scriptures. Many have treated the Bible and the Christians who live by it, as if they are a threat to them personally. I think some of them would rather have their children involved with drugs and gangs then a Bible Study. Some advocate the rights for children to bring guns, condoms and gang apparel to school; but teachers and students should never bring a Bible. What has been the result? They say freedom, freedom to do what ever they want. I can't argue the fact that we have much more freedom to sin, but we also have much less freedom to live.

Let's start with the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS. I'm tired of hearing the "safe sex" schemes. Abstinence requires self-disciple and self-control, two characteristics that are not being developed in children today. These go beyond just issues of morality. People show little or no self discipline or self control in handling adversity, controlling there anger, resolving conflicts, managing finances, holding a job, exercising personal freedoms (like driving a car), etc. So real problem is not morality; it self discipline and self-control. As they go, so goes the society.

Now let us look at how our society has changed. Back in my Grandparent's day, people left their front doors open during the day and were not afraid to walk out at night or to talk to strangers. Now we live in fear of gangs and drugs. Women need to learn self defense to protect them from being rape by any guy walking down the street, as well as abuse from there partner. Children carry guns to school and use them on other children. Anti-Government extremist murder innocent civilians in an attempt to "win" more "freedoms."

But hay, if we are free to choose our own morals then who is to say anyone is wrong. There is nothing wrong with husbands beating up their wives, men raping women, kids killing kids or parents murdering their own children. After all, if there conscience is not bothered by it then it must be O.K., right?

If you believe that all of that is not O.K., then you must believe that society should set down some universal morals. Do you have any suggestions on an effective means of creating such a standard? How about communicating this standard on a broad basis? And what about being able to develop this standard in the members of our society.

I know that Biblical Christianity can do all three, if people would apply it completely. Granted the church is notorious for getting sidetracked into doing other things, but wonderful things happen when it does get on track. And if all the concerned citizens jump on board rather then trying to derail us all the time, this society would have it made!

Now go and look at any list of what someone believes to be the top ten problems facing our society. There are a lot of them out there. How many would be cured by a spiritual revival? You see that some of these are not have to do with morality. It does not matter, the Bible gives practical knowledge about how to live, resolve conflicts, face down adversity, control the dark side of your personality, getting your finances under control, etc. You just need to take the time to read it and understand it; then you can apply it. But maybe that is not what you want for our society. Maybe you would rather be free to sin even more, no matter how much it suppresses all of our freedom to live!

SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem: (Webster’s) n. 1. a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

This definition of self-esteem seems to base on a positive self-esteem. You could say that it is a goal that all humans strive for. So why do we not reach it? Many people have a lot of different explanations for this dilemma, but I believe that I can sum up all of them in one word: Shame! The terms guilt and shame are used interchangeably in the English language, but I see this as a problem. That is because some feeling of remorse are beneficial to us and others are destructive. In the definitions that I am about to give, I will use the term guilt to describe positive remorse and shame to describe destructive remorse.

Guilt: (Webster’s) n. 2. a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Shame: (Webster’s) n., v. shamed, shaming. n. 1. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.

Guilt vs. Shame: (My view) The Webster’s definition for shame expresses a much stronger emotion then its definition for guilt. The severity of these emotions can cause long-term repercussions. Although Webster’s may not totally agree with how I expand that thought, the following is an understanding that I have received from many different sources. Guilt says you are a human being who just simply messed up. Shame says you did something terrible and even unforgivable. Guilt says you did something wrong[1]; but shame can lead to the belief that there is something wrong with you. We are not talking about coming to the realization that you are a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness through the shed blood of his Son. That is a Biblical understanding that we all need to come to. What we are talking about is believing that you are unworthy of forgiveness and are without hope.[2] And that is a lie of Satan!

[1] Romans 3:10-24, 5:12, 5:18-19
[2] John 3:16-17; Romans 5:1-11, 5:15-17, 10:8-13

BOUNDARIES VS. WALLS

Boundaries: (Webster’s) n. 1. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.

(My view) Limitations set in order that all parties involved can feel safe enough to be themselves, live in peace and grow in their intimacy with each other. This is not only the order of progression for relationship with boundaries; but it is also the order of destruction for those without.

Walls: (Webster’s) n. 3. an immaterial or intangible barrier, obstruction, etc., suggesting a wall: a wall of prejudice.

(My view) Attitudes, actions and restrictions that undermine a relationship’s ability to exist. Walls keep feelings in and people out.

Boundaries vs. Walls: (My view) Setting boundaries is the first lesson that most of us co-dependents learn in recovery. We have been walked on all of our lives. We are sick and tired of being sick and tired and we are not going to take any more. So we start “setting down the rules”. But what kind of rules do we set down? What effect will these rules have on our relationship?

I have seen so many co-dependents with a controlling nature take the principles of boundaries and misuse it to justify them doing what they have always tried to do, control those around them. They wield boundaries over everybody’s heads like a sledgehammer. And if you do not tow the line, the hammer will drop. This does not bring about a safe and peaceful environment that will allow the relationship to grow in intimacy.

I will acknowledge that there are relationships that need to be severed. Those relationships that was not only a mistake to get into; but also pose such a danger to the person’s well being that they must leave for their own safety. This does not justify divorcing your spouse just because they have a list of annoying habit or a thick skull. I have noticed that the ones who are the most frustrated with their spouse’s thick skull have skulls that are just as thick. But domestic violence is another matter altogether. It is as much as a violation of the marriage covenant as adultery. Not only does the Bible command husbands to love your wives; but it also warns repeatedly that God is angered by those who oppress those who cannot defend themselves.[1]

[1] Jeremiah 7:1-7; Amos 4:1-3; Zechariah 7:8-10; Ephesians 5:23-33; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 1:7

WHAT IS LOVE AND TOUGH LOVE?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love

There are two primary Greek words that are translated as “love” in the English New Testament of the Bible: agapē and philĕō. Agapē is commonly defined by Christian as “unconditional love.” It is interesting to note that agapē is also translated as charity in 1 Corinthians 13 in the King James Version of the Bible. This expresses agapē’s willingness to give without expecting anything in return. Although just about everybody of every religious belief would agree that agapē style love is something to strive for; Christians alone realize that it can only be fulfilled to its fullest extent with God’s power working in our lives.

Philĕō is badly underrated by most Christians to the point of receiving a bad rap. It is what we feel towards those who are close to us. This would include both family and friends. A more technical definition would be “to be a friend (fond of [an individual or an object]), ie. Having affection for (denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling…”[1] Most Christians seem look at the prominent role that agapē plays through out the New Testament and conclude that philĕō is a second rate expression of love. After all, philĕō is an emotion and us Christians are not suppose to be guided by our emotions. But the Bible tells us that God feels philĕō for both His Son and for us.[2] It also tells us that we philĕō God’s Son and that we should feel philĕō for each other.[3] It should also be realized that the biggest reason that agapē is given some much prominence is because as I said earlier, it goes entirely against human nature. Philĕō on the other hand is even demonstrated by people who are in the world. This is therefore the conclusion that I have come to:

Although feeling and emotions may not be strong enough to sustain our relationships in the long term, they do give meaning to them. They motivate us in to action. It is the philĕō that I have for my family and friends that make me want to do acts of agapē. The hardest part about my loving and forgiving my enemies who I hardly know is the fact that I have no real incentive to good out of my way to make peace with them. Maybe it is someone at work or even church that I never see any other time. Or maybe a neighbor that I will only cross paths will by chance. But if it is someone who’s relationship that I value, I will loose sleep at night trying to figure out how to reconcile. I know that this is not a Biblical; but it is the way it is. Agapē may be how we save our relationship; but philĕō is why.

Tough Love

The most controversial aspect of love, from a Christian standpoint, is “tough love”. Many Christians not only refuse to believe that there is any Biblical support for such a concept, but that the entire concept its self goes entirely against scripture. They would have a strong case if it were not for the fact that their evidence is based on those who divorce much if not their entire recover program, including their understanding of “tough love”, from the Bible. Let me give you an example of a real life situation in which I advocated the use of Biblical tough love:

A lady was giving me a ride home from work one night. She told me about her moving to Phoenix in order to help out her little sitter after their mother had past away. This sister, who was in her late twenties, had been babied by their mother and had never grown up. Therefore this lady, a single parent of a seven year old, was going to take over where their mother had left off. She asked me, “Isn’t this what God would want me to do?” I asked her, “Do you believe that God wants her to grow up and be more responsible?” She replied, “Yes.” Then I ask, “Is what you are doing making it possible for her to not have to grow up?” One again she replied, “Yes.” Finally I ask her, “So is this what God what’s you to do?” See replied, “No.”

The problem that so many co-dependants have is that they hate to see people, especially their loved ones, suffer to the point that those who are irresponsible do not have to grow up. They cannot see that rescuing someone from the consequences of their own actions actually does them more harm then good. It is one thing to help someone who is struggling because of things that are beyond their control or from mistakes that they have made and have learned from and are trying to rebound from. It is another thing all together when they are suffering the repetitive consequences of their own repetitive actions, especially when these actions are blatant acts of sin.

Co-dependents are also entirely unaware of the games that irresponsible people play in order to get others to enable them. Let us take for example your typical alcoholic/drug addict. They go to their family members with a sob story about how hard up they are because of this, that and some other thing. They tell their family members that they just need a few dollars to get them by to their next paycheck so they can pay a bill or get some food. As soon as they get the money, they are off to the nearest liquor store or drug dealer. One family member after another will start seeing through their games over time and start cutting them off. As they start running out of enabling family members, they start going more and more to “friends” with their now sobbier story about how hard up they are because of this, that and some other thing. And to make matters worse, their own family does not care enough about them to help them out. They will find new enablers almost as fast as they lose the old ones.

So if they are spending almost all of their cash on drugs and alcohol, then where do they get food to eat? Having work with my churches food pantry, I can tell you from first had observation how the “career homeless”[4] operates. I do not care what anyone else tells you, it is a fact that no adults go hungry in this country unless their too proud to ask for help or their motivation to take care of themselves have been wiped out by depression or hard drugs. With all of the food pantries and soup kitchen and the fact that panhandlers make more money per hour then many hard working citizens do, you do not have to worry about them going hungry. They know the system and they know how to use it the same way they use their family and “friends”. And when they do get hard up for cash, they will go to the day labor halls where they will give feeble work for feeble pay. Because they are not require to make any commitment to their employer beyond that day, they will go and work a day or two when ever they need money to by anything that can not get from the food pantries, soup kitchen and other social services. The number one idem on their list are drugs and alcohol. This is the reason that those who are professional construction workers refer to all day laborers as “rent-a-drunks”. I myself have worked day labor, so I know that everybody who does are true “rent-a-drunks;” but I also know for a fact that a notable percentage are.

So how does the Bible say that we should deal with those who choice to live in a pattern of redundant irresponsibility and sin? When Paul, in the above scripture reference instructed the church on how to deal with an immoral believer, he told them to, “...hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.”[5] He would later say, “…Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.”[6] Hand people over to Satan?! That seam kind of harsh to me! Unfortunately, that is what it takes to get though to some people. What is worse is that some people still will not learn even after such an ordeal. Do not get the idea that this in any way suggest that we should be praying curses over anyone. Handing them over to Satan simply means that we stop trying to shelter them from the consequences of their actions. A person who rejects the ways of God and follows Satan into a blatantly sinful life is on a path of destruction. We need to be praying for God’s intervention. But ultimately it will come down to them making decisions at various crossroads of live. At some point in time they will reach that final crossroad and be given that one final choice, we can only pray that it will be the right one. Some, such as the immoral believer in 1 Corinthians 5:1-5, do finally repent. It is believed by many, including myself, that he is the one the Paul refers to in 2 Corinthians 2: 3-11. Paul then instructs the church to:”…reaffirm your love for him...in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”

The concept of tough love is something that many co-dependents are too eager to embrace. Those who were doormats are more than happy to free themselves, while those who have always been controlling and manipulative find justification for doing what comes naturally. That is because most people in recovery are taught this concept absent of the guidance of the Bible.

The first time I tried to use what I called “tough love”, it was in order to get a friend to change into what I wanted her to be. The Holy Spirit convicted me by calling it “emotional blackmail.” I tried to use our friendship as leverage to get her to come out of her co-dependent denial. If she would not change then it would be unhealthy for me to remain friends with her. I tried justifying this attitude by believing that I was doing this for her own good; but the fact was that was doing it to get my own wants met. I had romantic intensions towards her and wanted her to take away my loneness. She was afraid of getting close to people so she tried to get her needs met be trying to meet everybody else’s needs. Yes, her behavior was defiantly dysfunctional; but my agenda for confronting her was just as bad.

A lot of what I have seen done in the name of “tough love” would best be described as blackmail. If our significant others does not straighten up and fly right, then they are going to suffer the consequences. After all, their significant others are the cause of most of their problems; and so they cannot fix their own problems until after their significant others change. This is a bogus notion that nearly every co-dependant embraces early on in their recovery. Some of them never give it up!

Some of the demands for change do not even involve unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes it is a matter of the person who is applying the “tough love” is just intolerant of the differences in others. They have a self-righteous, judgmental standard for what is and is not appropriate behavior that they expect everyone to conform to. This too is an unbiblical usage of tough love.

^[1] Strong's Bible Concordance, Greek Dictionary of the New Testament, ref. #5368

^[2] John 5:20, 16:27; Revelation 3:19

^[3] John 16:27; Romans 12:10; Titus 2:4, 3:4, 3:15, Hebrews 13:1; 1 Peter 1:22, 3:8; 2 Peter 1:9

[4] Note that there is a big difference between someone being homeless because of bad breaks or choices that they have learned and grown from, and someone who makes a career out of being homeless.

^[5] 1 Corinthian 5:5

^[6] 1 Timothy 1:20

THE RIVER CROSSING

I hiked the Wind River Mountains in Wyoming with my Boy Scouts troop back when I was 14. During the hike, we came to a river that we would have to wade across. My Dad, who was volunteering to help out on the hike, found a spot that was shallow enough for us to wade across safely. We were given clear instructions before we started, “cross against the current.” But as I look up stream, I saw how fast the current was and thought to myself, “that looks too hard.” I tried picturing myself trying to push myself, one foot at a time, against the force of the river. It seemed like it would be too hard to do. I looked down stream and knew that crossing with the current would be a mistake. Then I looked straight across, and the current just did not seem so strong. So I decided to ignore the orders of my Dad, Scout Master and all the other adults with us that day.

When my turn came, I started to take a straight path across the river! As I did, everybody on both sides were yelling for me to cross against the current; but I thought, “I will show them, this is so much easier.” Just before I got out to about waist high, my foot slipped; but I quickly regained my balance. I thought to myself, “Hah — I caught myself!” But everyone continued to yell for me to cross against the current! Then I took the next step; actually I tried to take my next step. As I extended my left leg, the force of the current pushed it down stream of my right leg! At that time my legs were crossed! Everyone continued to yell to me and then I thought that maybe I should listen. I quickly repositioned my right leg to regain my balance; but before I could find a good spot to set it, the force of the river pushed my left leg down stream again! Quick I tried to reposition my right leg; but then the force of the current did it again! This time I had no chance to recover. The force of the current pushed me over side ways and began to carry me down stream. Fortunately, one of the older scouts jumped in immediately and pulled me to shore.

Two or three days later, we had to cross another river. Again my Dad found a spot shallow enough for us to cross at. Again we were instructed to cross against the current. This time I followed directions. It was strenuous pushing one foot at a time directly into the force of the current; but it did not take me long to realize something. Crossing against the current put my body in a Poisson that give me the stability to stand my ground. I finally crossed the river, I was a little bit fatigued in my legs; but I was dry from the waist up.

When we confronted with adversity in life, we try our hardest to avoid dealing with it head on. After all, there is just so must stress involved in dealing with such situation. So we try to find what appears to be an easier rout. But the adversity keeps coming and our attempts to avoid it have left us in a position to where we cannot take steps to alleviate them. We wind paying the price in the end in the form of the weakening or even total lose of our family relationships, friendships, goals, dream, joy, serenity, sobriety and even our sanity. Then we turn around and blame the people and circumstances involved in the adversity for all our misery. Or we act like we are bullet proof, “it is all water under the bridge,” we tell our selves and others. But this is far from accurate; it is actually water over our heads!

SWIMMING LESSONS

I took a survival swimming course shortly after graduating from high school. We were taught how to do the, “survival bob.” If we were ever stranded in the water and needed to buy time for help to arrive, we would go threw repetitive cycle of relaxing our arms allowing ourselves to sink below water for a few seconds so we can rest them, and then paddle our way back above water for a few seconds to get more oxygen. By doing this, you are supposed to be able to survive out in the ocean for several days.

I am to this day a poor swimmer, so my instructor and I thought it would be good for me to send my free time practicing basic swimming. So while he would be busy with some one else or just relaxing, I would push myself as far out as possible from the side of the pool in front of him at the deep end and practice swimming back. I did this several times in a row and then decided to do it just one more time. That was one more time then my arms had the strength to pull me back.

I quickly calmed myself and went into the “survival bob” routine that I had just been taught. I rested my arms, and after being underwater for a few second, I started paddling myself back above water. The instant my head broke the surface, I calmly called out for help; but my arms were fatigued again. And so I rested them long enough to get some straight back in them and then shot back to the. This time I knew my instructor would be read for me.

As soon as broke the surface, I heard him say, “Jason, over here!” I could not see him because of all the splashing I was doing, but I heard were the voice had come from. I reach out in that direction and then felt my wrist being grabbed and then me being pulled. After I was back holding the side of the pool, my instructor commended me for my efforts.

Life is full of growth and challenges. God is pleased when we step out and take risks that will improve our relationship with Him and all that He has created. God wants us to strive for these noble goals that He has placed in our hearts. This is how He transforms us into the image of his Son. And when we fall short, He will always be right there to get us out of our jams. He will not condemn us for not meeting these goals; but instead He will commend us for our obedience and courage.

ONE CHRISTIAN’S DEFENCE OF THE BIBLICAL VIEW OF HOMOSEXUALITY

In our society, those of us that disapprove of homosexuality are labeled “homophobic.” We Christians are said to be full of fear and hated towards those that are different from us! But is this fair, or is it just hypocritical bigotry on the part of those who hate us Christians and the moral standards that we live by? After all, only the most immature Christians get angry and lash out when someone advocates morals that differ from ours. The rest of us more mature, but non-compromising Christians will lovingly and respectfully disagree in the most diplomatic manner possible. The same cannot be said about many those anti-Christians who go around blasting us Christians for being “homophobics.” As a matter of fact, we Christians are openly ridiculed in public more for our life stile by anti-Christians then the other way around.

So tell me something, is everything I disapprove of considered to be a hate filled phobia? I disapprove of kids joining violent street gangs, should I be ripped for being a hate filled “gangaphobic”? I disapprove of recreational drugs use, should I be ripped for being a hate filled “drugaphobic”? I disapprove of male chauvinism, should I be ripped for being a hate filled “male chauvaphobic”? I disapprove of racism, should I be ripped for being a “racaphobic”? On the contrary, the vast majority of anti-Christians would applaud me for making such stances. And they would be hypocrites for doing so! After all, do they not claim that everybody has the right to choose any life style that they want? So if the anti-Christians want to show some consistency in their belief systems — then they need to stop supporting gang and drug intervention programs as well as the civil rights movements. After all, those who support of these programs are imposing their values on others. Do not get me wrong; we non-compromising Christians support all such activities. We believe that our society would be better off if everybody stopped using recreational drugs and got out of street gangs. We also want an end to all forms of racism and sexism. This includes racist acts and attitudes of women and minorities against whites and males! These positions are all consistent with the commands of our Lord God. So, it is not inconsistent for us to want everybody to obey all of His loving, holy, and righteous commands!

Now, let me take a moment to bring up a point about homosexuality that most. But I am not even going to bother quoting Bible verses, because I know that they will be rejected by those who disagree with my position. So lets deal with this subject from a secular standpoint. I will start of with the homosexual’s means of making love. I do not know much about what various means lesbians perform their acts of loving making, but I do have some incite on the act of anal sex. I have never actually experienced such an act, but I have experienced the next worse thing — (brace yourself for this one because it is a bit grafic) — enemas and suppositories. For those of you who have never had these procedures done for you, they are about the most uncomfortable thing that you will ever have done. Even though the enemas and suppositories or designed to be no more painful and uncomfortable then necessary, God just simply did not create the sphincter mussel to move both ways. Therefore, having something put in your anus be it an enema, suppository or fully erected human penis is going to be painful.

So ask yourself, why would a loving God create an act of love that is such a painful experience for one of the lovers involved? I know that there are some heterosexual couples that participate in masochistic forms of sexual intimacy. Such couples really do need serious help. I do not mean this in a condescending way, but with compassionate concern for those involved. Anyone who believes that acts of love should be painful has a warped understanding of what love is. No one is ever going to convince me that the homosexual act of lovemaking is any other than another form of masochistic sex! It therefore make perfect sense to me that the few openly gay people that I have met have had some form of physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse done to them by a significant adult figure in their live. How else could someone associate love and pain as being part of the same act?

I am now going to finish this by telling you a true story about a homosexual friend of mine named, Kevin. Kevin and I went to the Phoenix Job Corps from 1988-1989, where I lead a campus Bible study. The first day that we met we decided to walk down to a fast food restaurant in order to get something to eat. I have no idea to this day of why he chose to confide in me that he was homosexual. I, with him already knowing that I was a Christian, simply said to him, “well I guess you know where I stand on that.” Nothing else was need to be said because everybody knows that devout Christians oppose such behavior and I would have gained nothing by preaching to him. Some weeks later the news, “Kevin is gay,” went rippling through the male dormitory. And the first thing I thought was of disappointment, “Oh great, the secret is out.” The next day I went in to the crowded cafeteria and saw him. Not only was not only was the table that he was sitting at empty, but so were all the table that surrounded it. I thought to myself, “It has begun.” I — in the full view of everybody watch — sat down next to him knowing full good and well that I would shock everybody in that room. When I was confronted about it later by another Christian, I told her that his sins were no different from anyone else, and that God loves him just as much as anyone else. I hold to both of those truths to this day.

So as you see, I am not someone who is possessed by a hateful phobia of homosexuals. What I am is someone with strong sense of what is right and wrong. Homosexuality is wrong, but so is hating anyone for any belief that they might have! This rebuke I direct towards both side of this debate!

ORDINARY CITIZENS BRINGING THIS WAR ON TERROR TO AN END

September 11, 2001 — the day the War on Terror “officially” began. In this election year, 3 years later, the two main Presidential candidates (as well as their political parties) are debating over what has been done and what should be done next. The Republican Party incumbent, President George W. Bush, wants use to believe that everything is going according to his master plan and that we must reelect him in order that we can stay this course. His Democratic Party challenger, Senator John Kerry, wants use to believe that the path that we are on is totally wrong and that he must become President in order to steer us in the right direction. We the voters may be divided on whether or not what our politicians have done so far is right or wrong. We may also be divided on what they need to be done next. But ever voter in America is in agreement on one thing: WE WANT THIS WAR ON TERROR TO END ASAP! So, what do I think needs to be done to end this war? There are a number of things that I believe need to be done. Some need to be done by our politicians, but following lists are things that I believe need to be done by the ordinary citizens of the world:

The ordinary citizens ON all sides need to do the following:

1. Stop making and supporting those who make inflammatory speeches about the other side: From 2001 - 2003, I was watching the Israel-Palestine crisis especially closely. With all of the Muslims I was helping while assisting the refugee community; I need to stay up to date on this issue because I was being constantly being questioned about Israel’s conduct. The thing that I found to be most telling about the character of both side was their public relations campaigns. The Israelis and the Palestinians shared a common motto that went something like this: “If you do not have something bad to say about the other side; then do not say it at all!” Whenever one side would do or say something productive; a media reporter would ask an official representative form the other side to comment. In every occasion, that representative would brush aside question about the other side’s productive action or statement and would refocus the interview on something negative about that side.

It did not take me long to figure out that neither side was trying to inform the outside world as to what the truth was. All they were doing was making statements designed to stir up anger and hatred in the hearts of the listeners. Some of it was geared towards getting more outside support for their cause; but most of it was geared towards their side’s own radicals. Motivating them to keep fighting the “good” fight to the bitter and bloody end no matter what! Is this the first step to making peace with your neighbor?

2. Stop making and supporting those who make excuses for the sins that have been made by their side — and start demanding that everybody “plays by the same set of rules”: Another thing that the Israelis and the Palestinians shared is a hypocritical use of civilian casualty statistics in order to justify the murderous acts of their side. The Palestinians place bombs in places were there is a high amount of Israeli civilian traffic. The Israelis denounce these murders only to then retaliate by launching rocket attacks against a single car being used by those believed to be responsible for those bombings. These strikes often occur while the streets are crowded with Palestinian civilians and therefore guarantees that many of them will get hit by shrapnel. The Palestinians then use these retaliatory murders as an excuse to call for more bombings. At the end of the day, 90% – 95% of all casualties caused by both sides against each other are unsuspecting, innocent, and defenseless civilians.

While condemning these Palestinian bombing, the Israelis neglects to point out the fact that the Palestinians are using the same tactics against them that they used against the British while pushing for their own independence. In 1946, Menachem Begin participated in the bombing of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem. Ninety-one unsuspecting, innocent, and defenseless civilians were murdered. Another 45 were injured. In 1977, Begin was elected Prime Minister of Israel. In 1978, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. In an interview made in the last year or two, Begin walks around this hotel and proudly shows a reporter the exact spots that he placed the bombs and how he concealed them. He never expressed any remorse for those that he had murdered because “he was doing what needed to be done.”

3. Stop trying to provoke one another in to doing something that we can then use against them in the court of public opinion: When the current intifadah started back in 2000, the Palestinians were condemning the Israelis for their use of excessive force against Palestinian civilians. They claimed that their civilian protesters — including children — were armed with nothing but stones. Israel on the other hand; was clearly seen using guns, tanks, and even helicopter gunships. It may be true that the civilians were only armed with stones, but they forgot to mention where the Palestinian Authority’s “Security” Forces were at the time. These “Security” Forces were supposed to be charged with keeping the peace. If they would have been out there doing their job when the unrest started; the Israelis would not have had come in and have done it for them. So, where were these “Security” Forces? They had taken up sniper positions against the Israeli Security Forces. So it is not accurate to say that these stone throwers were innocent and defenseless; but rather that they were bait. There job was to bait the Israelis into sniper ambushes. How then is it fair to condemn Israel for the deaths of these stone throwing children when their parents permitted — and in some cases even encouraged — these children to go into harms way in the first place?

4. Take a fair and balanced look at history and freely admit when our side was in the wrong: I know full well that many sins have been committed by my beloved country and those claim to adhere to my religion of Christianity, but let us be fair about this. There is no sin that has been committed by America or by Christians that not been committed by everybody else. This does not excuse it, but talking like America is the most evil major power ever in history is both erroneous and unfair. The same can be said for those that think Christian is the only religion that has had wrong done in its name. We have a saying in America, “THOSE WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES!” Yes, America and Christians do live in glass houses, but so does our accusers!

Now, answer for me the following questions: When natural disasters strike, who are the first ones that are call upon to help? America and the “Christian” west. When the masses want to flee from their oppressive home lands, where do they all want to go? Again, America and the “Christian” west. When an oppressive government crosses the line and the people cry out for protection, who do they cry out to? Once again, America and the “Christian” west through the formality of asking the United Nations. One last question, which country is looked upon to send in the first troops under the UN banner? On most occasions, America. Should not any of this be taken into account when discussing the history of how the various religions, ethnicities, and nationals of the world have conducted themselves?

Now, answer me this question: Does anyone ever ask our accusers for help? No, because the only thing that our accusers are good at doing is destroy nations and reputations! OUR ACCUSERS HAVE NEVER LIBERATED ANY OPPRESSED PEOPLE! THEY HAVE IN FACT EXPLOITED THEM! The best example of this is when the al-Qaeda, who condemns America for interfering with internal matters of other nations, sent in foreign fighters to back the Taliban faction in the Afghan civil war. This in spite of the fact that most Afghans did not want to live under the Taliban’s oppressive rule. Al-Qaeda also condemns us for backing any government that lets us build military bases in their countries — especially those who oppress their own people and Israel for oppressing the Palestinians. Yet, al-Qaeda backed the oppressive Taliban so they could build terrorist training camps in Afghanistan.

None of this is offered to you as an excuse for any of the sins committed by America or by Christians. The fact is; nobody can say that their side has always been in the right and that every wrong has been committed by the other side. We Americas and Christians have over the past half century been leading the way in our willingness to not only admit such things, but also to repent of these sins and to try and make restitution for them. There is even more that we need to in this area, but at least we have started. Now; the rest of the world needs to get going and then catch up.

Ordinary Christians must get their focus back on following the teachings of Christ that are recorded in the Bible! “LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOU HEART, SOuL, mind, AND STRENGTH!” and “LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF!” The Arabs and Muslims are our neighbors too and we should therefore love them every bit as much as everybody else. Yes, Israel does have the right to defend its self, but giving them a license to sin is unbiblical! We should not be making excuses for Israel when they use tactics that would result in our own troops being court marshal if they ever used them. Most American/European Christians say that the Bible commands us to Bless Israel. So I ask you this, do you bless a hard core alcoholic or drug addict by giving them $20 in cash? No! Why not? Because you know that they are going to use that $20 to buy more of the same alcohol and drug that they have been ruining their live with. If Israel kills 20 unsuspecting, innocent, and defenseless civilians for every one terrorist that they kill, are they not giving their enemies more ammunition to use against themselves in the court of public opinion? Is this not a self-destructive path for them? Another thing to take into account is that not all 20 of the dead are Muslims; 2½% of all Palestinians living in palestine are Christians! Most of these arab Christian bothers and sisters are upset That American Christians support those that persecutes not only them, but all other Christians living under the Israeli flag! Does this not constitute Israel sinning against Christianity? Is this what god commands us to bless?

Ordinary Muslims must take control of their religion! Peaceable Muslims have been saying for years that their religion has been hijacked by the radical extremists. The same could be said about Christianity after the Roman Emperor Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire. He, as well as subsequent Emperors, used Christianity to increase their power base which got in the Church side tracked from its original mission. It took several centuries of the Bible being made available to the common people for the Christianity to get back its original mission. Now, it is up to the Muslims to do the same. As far as I can tell, all of the Muslim leaders with large followings preach the use violence in the name of Islam, but those who preach peace have no followers. If this is true, and if those who preach violence are in error, then stop following them! forbid them from holding teaching positions! Those who preach peace in the name of islam need to rise up and take charge!

I hope that you have found this to be informative. My intension was not to blame any one side, but to show all sides that there are things that we can all do to extinguish the hatred that the terrorists feed upon! After all, these terrorist claim to be fighting on behalf of the poor and oppressed common people. It is therefore up to all of us, the common people, to tell them: “We do not want terroristic solutions to our social Ills! We want people of wisdom and reason to speak and act on our behalf to cure them! WE just want TO Glorify God by RAISE up our children in peace and safety!”